?Dear Dr. Holmes and Mr. Baer:
I joined an online dating site a month ago.? Since then I have met 17 women, all of whom described themselves as younger than they really were and weighing less than they really did.? Is it just my bad luck or are all women really liars?
?~Jimmy
Dear Jimmy:
Thank you for your letter, despite its false dichotomy.? A false dichotomy, also known as either-or fallacy or as black and white thinking, is when a situation is presented as having only two alternatives, when that is not so.? Other options include a position that is between the two extremes; in other words, when there are shades of grey though, alas, not quite the same 50 shades that EL James describes in her trilogy (long live suburban porn!).
Another is one where the result may be entirely different; in other words, not black, white, or even grey in any of its different hues, but a subtle pink or a fiery red.
Alas, when describing themselves as younger than their real ages, these women may all seem to be lying.? After all, under normal circumstances, they should all know their date of birth.? However, what if one, two or all of these 17 women are poor at math?? Such that 2012 less 1976 equals 26 instead of 36, or even 30?
Describing oneself as weighing less is even less likely to be a lie since not all scales are as truthful as Snow White?s stepmother?s mirror. Not only might these women have inaccurate scales, very likely some of them may have less than 20-20 vision, so much so that 160 pounds reads 140.? Indeed, it may even read 116, in which case not only might there be poor eyesight involved, but also wishful thinking.
As for you being unlucky, well, it seems that against all the odds you have actually met 17 out of 17 women who are all poor at math, and/or have bad eyesight, and/or a feeble grip on reality, and to cap it all, are probably all both old and fat. That, in my estimation, really is bad luck.
All the best?JAF Baer
Dear Jimmy:
If I were rabidly feminist, which I am not, I would accuse both you and Mr. Baer of both gross myopia and being in cahoots.? The latter because I can almost feel you and my husband chest bumping each other, agreeing with each other that women are occasionally economical with the truth. The chest bumping, of course, is merely figurative. Mr. Baer will be the first to admit that this is, in all probability, his least likely choice when expressing approval.
Myopic in the sense that, while I love Mr. Baer?s ripostes, I feel it unfair that, while he has answered your questions more than adequately (and in quite a funny way ?always a plus in column-writing), not once did he raise? the possibility that, perhaps, you, Jimmy, may be one of those pots calling the kettle black just a wee bit too quickly.
After all, the few studies that have been done on Internet dating have all concluded that both women and men lie when describing themselves on these sites.? Perhaps even more damning is author and VillageVoice columnist Michael Musto?s observation that men lie more than women do.
Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but I cannot help feeling that someone who may have been a bit ?economical with the truth? has no business being judgmental about women who may have been just as economical.
Admittedly, there has been very little research on Internet dating.? Most of them have been commissioned by the dating sites which would imply that there might be some vested interest in the results.? That is, ultimately, the conclusion that dating sites work.
However, despite this (understandable and predictable) result, the researches they fund suggest that people tell only white lies, as opposed to outrageous ones, when describing themselves. For example, describing oneself as a tall white Caucasian when one is actually a short brown Pinoy (or vice versa) would not go down very well; whereas sending a picture taken 3 years earlier might be forgiven.
OKCupid?dubbed the ?Google of online dating??is the leading free online dating site in the US, with over 4.5 million monthly unique visitors. Its blog, OKTrends, which compiles observations from real people?s interactions on the site, reveal the following:
American women lie most about their weight and their age; and judging from your experience, the same holds true for Filipinas.? In addition, many Americans also lie about their breast size and the number of celebrities they know.
Men, on the other hand, lie most about the following two things:? their height (adding an average 2 inches to what it really is) and their jobs.? Generally, men are 20% poorer than they say they are.
Studies not supported by dating sites are more objective and considered far more credible.? These include those conducted by the following:
????????? 1. Gerald A. Mendelsohn, a professor of Psychology at the University of California. His Berkeley research involved more than one million online dating profiles was partly financed by a grant from the National Science Foundation. Because the major dating sites had more than 593 million visits in the United States in a typical month, (according to the Internet tracking firm Experian Hitwise) Dr. Mendelsohn concluded: ?As more and more of life happens online, it?s less and less the case that online is a vacuum,? he added. ?It is life.?
????????? 2. Michael J. Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford. (Scholars said that most studies using online dating data are about heterosexuals, because they make up more of the population.) Of the romantic partnerships formed in the United States between 2007 and 2009, 21 percent of heterosexual couples met online.
????????? 3. Catalina Toma, an assistant professor in the department of communication arts at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Dr. Toma wanted to learn more about how people present themselves and how they judge misrepresentation. She shared the following results: about 81 percent of people misrepresent their height, weight or age in their profiles. On the bright side: people tend to tell small lies because, after all, they may eventually meet in person.
On average, the women described themselves as 8.5 pounds thinner in their profiles than they really were. Men fibbed by 2 pounds, though they lied by a greater magnitude than women about their height, rounding up a half inch (apparently every bit counts).
In conclusion, Jimmy, if you?ve found Internet dating fun, and most especially if you intend to continue meeting women online, I suggest you reframe your approach to the inevitable disparity between what they say they look like and how they actually look.
As long as you automatically add 2-5 years to the age a woman says she is and another 10-25 pounds to the weight she claims she is, you will perhaps be a wee bit more laid back about the white lies people tell each other.? Hopefully, the law of karma applies so that the women will be less harsh in judging you too, when you arrive with slightly less hair and slightly shorter than in your profile, and are only able to treat them to a hamburger instead of the Wagyu steak you hinted you were capable of paying for.
If you can see beyond the numbers, perhaps given enough time, there may be someone out there for you?not necessarily to marry, but certainly to be a good friend to.
Good luck and all the best?MG Holmes
Share on FacebookSource: http://illustradolife.com/?p=5695
kirby sarah palin cbi the shins atomic clock daylight savings time john mccain
কোন মন্তব্য নেই:
একটি মন্তব্য পোস্ট করুন